well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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