At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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