Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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