I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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