please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
