sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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