i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
