My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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