she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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