I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
