so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
soo... how was my night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
