can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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