o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
