so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
