He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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