Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
