I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
