im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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