Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
These tits shall not be calmed
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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