I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
