I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
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