I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
