he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
