I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
