btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
