I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
