got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
