just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
