There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
