i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
