My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
