that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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