this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
