You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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