I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
