i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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