Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
