perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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