i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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