Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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