He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
