I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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