i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
