how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
