i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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