90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
