i wish starbucks made bloody marys
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
