so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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