absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
