You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
